Thursday, February 10, 2011

Singapore Story

Singapore past
18 April 1941.
It is my birthday! This year, I am turning 9 years of age and my relatives both from Singapore as well as Malaysia are coming to celebrate my birthday. I was the son of a rich man who owned a tin mine in Melaka. I remembered once when I visited the tin mine, the atmosphere was intense, many workers were working hard, and their charred faces made me feel sorry for them. I heard that many came from nearby villages whose children had never been to school. None was as fortunate as I was, nor as lonely.
School was a place where we get to learn about society but mostly it revolves around England. My school was situated on the top of the highest hill, which was surrounded by greenery. My school mates were mostly British; therefore I tend to pick up their intonation. I was good in debates and my father thought I am a potential lawyer, but I felt that it was boring. I wanted to become an adventurer. I agree that school was fun, but nothing is as sweet as home.
I lived in a mansion which lies in front of the majestic forest. My house was grey with a tint of white, with staircases all over. One may even need a map to keep track of their location! The floor was made of marble but it was very smooth that you can even sleep on it. The best part of the house was the balcony. Surrounded by many different plants and small trees, I would go to the balcony and stare at the clouds whenever I wanted to be alone. We never needed to do any housework. All was done by our servants, and we had many.
One thing that stroked me was my grandfather who tends to walk through the forest behind my mansion to pluck out herbs and weeds to make a concoction for illnesses. As a little boy, I used to tag along and had my own adventures. Many creatures lived in that forest, but the fiercest of them all was the tiger; a sharp tooth, large body, sharp claws and has the ability to kill a grown man. There have been rumors that people went deep into the forest and never return alive.
It was 10 minutes before my birthday party starts and so far, only my Singapore relatives have turned up. What had happened to the rest? Are they lost? Will they find their way here?
“Sorry we took so long, the roads were so confusing!”, Aunty Rosalind apologized.
“The roads here are so bumpy”, grumbled old Uncle Long. “But we made it..! Where’s my favorite birthday boy?”
The party was filled with relatives chatting, kids playing games and lots of delicious Peranakan food. My favorite was “Babi Ponteh”. Oh how I love the sweet-saltiness taste of the gravy and the potatoes which floats in it and the pork which released a blast of aroma in your faces. That was the best party ever!


15th February 1942
One year had passed and I wished that this year was as exciting as the previous year. I just love excitement. But what happened next was totally out of my expectations.
It was a clear day. Out of sudden, sirens rang throughout the country. “What is happening, Father?” I asked. “This is bad, real bad,” he replied in a nervous tone. Mother, Father and I looked out of the window and saw what seemed to be, Japanese warplanes!” War has finally hit home. But why here and now? What have we done to deserve this? “I am afraid the British had failed us…” Father said once more but this time looked down in fright. However this is just the beginning.
“Everyone evacuate, THE JAPANESE ARE COMING!” a loud voice came from outside. I looked out of the window, and saw Grandpa running towards the mansion. “They are in the nearby town!” he warned. We were lucky that it takes 4 days to reach our house by foot. In a flash, we all quickly rushed to prepare for the adversary. We hid all of our valuables in the storage room which was situated deep beneath the mansion, and most unexpected of all was my grandmother who manage to dig a hole large enough to hide her valuables.
17th February 1942
It was time to leave. At this point, we had already hidden our entire valuable in places the Japanese could not find. “ROAR!” a thunder came through the forest. It is the tiger! We had no choice, but to continue. Soon we reached an old abandon hut which was built by my grandfather. “I remembered when I was young; I always came here to play. Until that tiger came here.” Grandpa recalled.
What was in the hut was a thing of the past, rusty cans of tuna, decomposed paper airplanes, torn slippers, broken buckets, so on and so forth. In the corners of the hut were growing mushrooms and greasy wooden planks on the ground. This hut was actually an old storage room used by my ancestors. As I went through the shelves, the planks which supported it collapsed bringing all the stuffs which once sat on it down. “Look at this mess! I am going outside to keep a look out for danger”, Father went out of the stuffy hut to get fresh air. This is the place where we are going to stay until the Japanese soldiers have left. Meanwhile, Grandpa was looking through the mess and what he found was a miniature statue of the Son of God, Jesus, which he said that it was more than 200 years old. “I thought I had lost this many years ago! This was passed down by my ancestors!” Grandpa realized. As we knew, Jesus was the son of God who save us of our sins, as being Catholics we were rather positive than negative.
At this moment, Father actually went back to the house to get the butlers to guard the house. Whenever we needed anything, the butlers will be around to help.
10th August 1945
After living for three years from the last time we entered this forest, we survived, we managed our lives and went through the war. By then I was 13 years old, I could not remember when the last time I celebrated my birthday was. It seemed like eternity, we got out of the forest and went back to our mansion.
Upon arrival, I saw the mansion, it was horrible, the plants which surrounded it died, parts of the mansion was spray painted and chips of cement fell of the walls. This was not the case; all that matters was the fact that we were still alive and together. Mother, Father, Grandma, Grandpa, we were together.
Words(1 142)

6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. A well written story. The usage of adjectives is really good here. Even I could not write as good as you. However, there are somethings that are not clear. what happened to the servants? You didn't mention them after the Japanese came. You only mention the butlers. And what about the tiger? How come it didnt appear in your story? You only mention the tiger's roar. Since you didn't mention the tiger after the roar, I think it would be redundant to mention the roar. Anyway, keep up the good work.

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  3. Sry I will try to concentrate on that, I was trying to keep within the word limit. Thanks for the comments you gave.

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  4. Ryan, I appreciate your willingness to write about the past, but where is this taking place? It seems like Malacca, based on your first paragraph, but shouldn't this take place in Singapore? If it's Singapore, your details are not clear enough to indicate this to me. Nowhere in Singapore, even in the 1940s, took four days to reach by foot.

    For the rest of my comments, I'm just going to assume you were writing about Singapore (since that was the assignment). I like the details that you give about the house, and the happy times before the Japanese invasion, but I don't think your tactic of jumping ahead in time really works here. You need to focus your story on one particular scene, or two at the very most; a nice contrast would be the birthday party, and then having to survive after being exiled from their home.

    But my point is that you need to focus down your time frame, and really show in detail what your protagonist is going through.

    A structural nitpick: if your narrator is a child during the time of your story, your writing style should either A) reflect this childishness, or B) switch to third person so that you can comment on event in a more mature manner. (My vote is for B.) You also have many verb tense inconsistencies, where it shifts from present to past tense and back and forth; please fix this.

    Did the family really survive in the jungle for three years? How could a group of people that has known nothing but wealth and comfort and luxury be able to do this? And what's with the tiger? It seems to be a bogeyman of the forest, and we even hear it roar, but that's it. Either it should be an integral part of your story, or you should lose it.

    You've got a good start here. Make sure to address these issues, and you could have a good story on your hands.

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  5. why would the tiger still be alive when it had went to the forest when the grandfather was young?
    do tigers have such a long lifespan?

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